


That Summer

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: Details, Details (1-800-did-I-ask) [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Crying, Drowning, Fireworks, Late Night Conversations, Multi, Other, Pre-Slash, Prison, he lives tho, it's not really prison but they do get arrested
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-26 08:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7566445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The things Lafayette and Alex remember best from their summer vacation.</p><p>aka I write the tell all book that John wanted but will never get</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Tree Thing

**Author's Note:**

> !!!NOTE!!!
> 
> this takes place in between Hercules' Birthday and As Long As He Had Them in the ot4 origins series
> 
> these probably won't be in chronological order soz soz

 

"We should do this," Alex whispers.

"What?" Lafayette asks.

They're both sitting in the large bay window in Lafayette's room, leaning out of it to watch the Fourth of July fireworks going off overhead. Every so often, one of them will crack louder than the rest, causing Alex to hold on to Lafayette's hand even tighter than he is. Lafayette has suggested four times that they close the window but Alex insists that he's fine.

"The fireworks. We should go somewhere to light them," Alex explains. He jumps as another one goes of, the firework reflecting in his eyes.

"We don't have fireworks," Lafayette says. Alex turns to look at them now, eyebrows furrowed.

"Yes you do. They're in the garage behind the bikes," Alex tells them. Lafayette remembers a box like that from last year, but they didn't know the Washington's kept it. Alex tries to suppress his hand clenching as another firework goes off. He fails.

"How do you know that?"

"I went in there one day to hide. You were trying to get me to go running." Alex shudders. Lafayette rolls their eyes, turning their attention back to the fireworks above them.

\---

It turns out that Alex was being dead serious when he said that they should set off fireworks.

It's sometime after midnight. It's been forty minutes since they've seen a major highway, twenty since they've seen another car. The radio station has been changed so many times that Lafayette just turns it off, no longer able to listen to the songs turn to static noise.

"I'm so excited," Alex tells them. His hair is tied back, Lafayette's shirt hanging from his small frame. He has pajama pants on despite the humidity and his oldest pair of flip flops struggle to keep from deteriorating on his feet. Lafayette thinks he's beautiful.

Lafayette can't say much about Alex's wardrobe, though. They're dressed almost the same, hair tied up, wearing one of their own shirts. The only difference is that they're wearing shorts with cute cartoon stars decorated on them.

"I'm not. I'm supposed to be asleep right now," Lafayette complains. They curl up into the fetal position in the passenger seat.

"You don't go to bed until two in the morning so I don't know what you're talking about," Alex says. Lafayette rolls their eyes.  
  
Lafayette doesn't go to bed at that time, Alex does. Lafayette stays up until approximately twenty minutes later so that they can watch Alex's steady breathing, wakes up before sunrise so that they can watch Alex without him knowing.

"I'm talking about the fact that I am tired and you woke me up to do this," Lafayette responds. Alex shoots him an apologetic look, but Lafayette isn't forgiving until they actually fall asleep at some point before sunrise.

At some point nearing one o'clock, Alex is driving on a highway that doesn't look like a highway. There are still no cars driving at this time even though there probably should be. Lafayette sees the road heading into a neighborhood before Alex drives off of it and into a field. The road is bumpy and the car is shaking, rattling Lafayette around in their seat.

They're down to last few fireworks in the box. Lafayette has missed half of the show, instead choosing to watch the lights illuminate Alex's face. They watch as Alex jumps even though he set them off himself, smiles when Alex does. They don't know when Alex took hold of their hand but he's gripping it like an anchor and Lafayette doesn't mind.

"Last one," Alex informs them, setting off the final firework from the box.

Things go downhill from there.

The remaining firework goes haywire, twirling around in the sky until it lands in a tree behind a fence. Lafayette gasps as the tree conflagrates, the branches of it catching fire and burning.  
  
"Fuck," Alex says.

A police car driving down the highway comes to a complete halt as it passes them. The officer gets out of the car, calls the fire department.

He arrests the two of them for trespassing and for vandalizing private property. Lafayette isn't sure how the two of them are going to explain this to George and Martha.

They're sitting in the cell of a small police office somewhere down the road from where they got caught. Alex is falling asleep on the bench, head on their lap, hair out of its ponytail. Lafayette nestles their hands in his hair, rubbing his scalp without thinking about it.

Their one phone call goes well. They explain the situation to Martha, who starts laughing too hard to tell George. This requires Lafayette to recount the story once again to Washington. They get a deep sigh in return along with Martha's even louder cackling. George hangs up the phone with a promise to be there in an hour, leaving Lafayette to be escorted back to the cell across the room.

"What happened?" Alex asks when Lafayette comes back. Lafayette isn't sure how long Alex has been awake, if he heard that call or not.

"George and Martha are coming to get us," Lafayette responds, sitting back down on the bench. Alex nods, resting back on Lafayette lap and falling asleep.

"You two make a cute couple," the police officer remarks. Is this normal? Probably not.

"Oh, we're not- thank you," Lafayette responds, surrendering to the compliment. The officer smiles, walking over to his desk and leaving them alone.

George and Martha end up getting to the station at just under the two hour mark. Martha is already laughing when she sees them. George is holding back his laughter, coughing to avoid it.

The Washingtons pay their bail and they're allowed to leave. Martha is still struggling not to keep laughing, only calming down when she starts falling asleep. Her hand is gripping his between them. Martha doesn't let go as she  sleeps, so George doesn't let go as he continues to drive.

"You guys are adorable," Lafayette whispers loud enough for George to hear. Alex is asleep for the third time that night, the sun rising as they drive home. Lafayette can't see the way it casts shadows on Alex's face, but they know it must be magnificent.

"You two look like you're getting pretty," George doesn't finish his sentence, but he illustrates his point by wiggling his eyebrows at them in the rearview mirror. Lafayette's face heats up.

"No, we're not," they argue.

"Okay," George responds. Lafayette knows George doesn't believe them.

Lafayette drifts off after that, head leaning against the window.

They wake up in their bed, Alex tucked into their side. The morning sunlight shines on Alex, bathing him in a delicate glow. Lafayette watches him, fondness filling their chest with such an intensity that it hurts. Alex stirs but doesn't wake up, only wraps his arms around Lafayette and pulls them closer.

Lafayette goes back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha here we gO


	2. A Brief Conversation With George

Lafayette sits on the kitchen counter island, watching the oven clock numbers change. The moon shines in through the window, glowing on every available surface. The house is silent save for the sounds of cars passing every so often.  
  
They've been there for fifteen minutes, unable to sleep with Alexander in their bed. It's not like they hadn't slept next to him before, but then it was under other circumstances. Before when he had slept next to Alex, John and Hercules were usually there with them and they were usually pressed together on Hercules' twin mattress suffering.  
  
It's different now. Different because they're alone together. It didn't help much either way. Lafayette thought about John and Hercules just as much as they thought about Alex, but it did narrow it down to one body in their bed as opposed to four. Lafayette shivers at the thought no matter how their mind puts it.  
  
"What are you doing up?" George asks. Lafayette is pulled from their thoughts, turning to face him.  
  
"Just thinking," Lafayette says. It's not a lie, but it is an understatement. The correct word would be fantasizing, but it wouldn't necessarily be the most appropriate one.  
  
"About Alexander?"  
  
 Lafayette chokes.  
  
"What?" They ask. Maybe they heard it wrong. It is three in the morning, things get muddled.  
  
"I asked if you were thinking about Alexander," Washington says. He opens the fridge and takes out a carton of orange juice, pouring it into two glasses.  
  
"Kind of," they answer. Their mind flashes back to what they were thinking about before they had been interrupted. They shift around on the counter. They will die if they embarrass themselves like this in front of Washington.  
  
"So, are you going to tell him?"  
  
"Tell him what?" They take the glass of orange juice that they're handed, watching as he pours another one for himself.  
  
"That you're in love with him," Washington says.  
  
It wasn't that Lafayette was scared of the question. It's that they hadn't been expecting it. Lafayette hadn't told George or Martha about their attraction to any of their best friends. The fact that George knows anyway is harrowing to them. The possibility of even more people knowing frightens them, fear coursing through them until it settles in their bones and doesn't leave.  
  
"How do you know that?" Lafayette questions, setting down their glass next to them.  
  
"The way you look at him says more than you think it does," he explains. Lafayette wonders if George knows how much they want to explode right now. If he does it doesn't seem to deter him.  
  
"You can't tell him about this," Lafayette whispers, leans forward to get their point across. Washington looks at them, sipping from his cup until all of the juice is gone.  
  
"I won't if you will," he says. Lafayette leans back, only kind of confused.  
  
"You can't put that on me."  
  
Silence falls over the kitchen. Distantly, the floor creaks. Somebody's coming. The weight of the footfalls are heavier than Martha's, more sluggish. Alexander.  
  
"I won't, but you're not going to be able to hide your feelings for him forever," George tells them, leaving the kitchen. Lafayette can hear him say something to Alex as they pass each other. Before Lafayette has time to consider what it could be, Alex walks in. The whole world seems to stop to allow them to focus on him. Alex moves around the kitchen like he knows Lafayette is there but doesn't want to mention it.  
  
"What are you doing up?" Lafayette asks. Alex grumbles and makes vague hand gestures.   
  
"What are you drinking?" Alex questions, climbing up on the counter with them.  
  
"Orange juice."  
  
"Give it to me."  
  
Lafayette hands him the glass, watching as he chugs half of it and hands it back. He wretches as he drinks, swallows it anyway.  
  
"I ask for orange juice and you give me pulp and disappointment," he complains. Lafayette laughs and drinks the orange juice despite Alex's disgust.  
  
They don't speak for the rest of the night. The silence between them starts to mean something. Something unspoken weighing down on their chest. It makes Lafayette afraid. Whether they're afraid of the silence or the thoughts that come of it, Lafayette isn't sure.  
  
They look at Alex, who is staring at the moon like it's speaking to him. He's entranced by it, eyes wide open, mouth parted. He swallows, blinks, snaps out of it. He looks over at Lafayette, grinning.  
  
"We should go back to bed," he says, hopping down from the counter. Lafayette nods, setting the empty glass in the sink.  
  
Alex waits and then grabs their hand, dragging them through the hall to their bedroom. Lafayette lets it happen, unable to resist Alex when he's like this. He's tired, disgustingly adorable, and Lafayette is incredibly in love with him.  
  
Alex doesn't let go of Lafayette's hand even when he collapses on the bed. Lafayette stumbles after him, falling half onto Alex's body. Alex groans, escaping from underneath them.  
  
"That was your fault," Lafayette accuses, rolling on their back.  
  
"Shut up and cuddle me," he mutters into his pillow as he turns on his side. Lafayette snorts, curling around Alex.  
  
"For someone who is half asleep you pack a lot of anger into your words," Lafayette remarks.  
  
"Fuck you," he says. He doesn't mean it, but Lafayette still pokes him hard in the side for it anyway.   
  
Lafayette stays awake even when Alex falls asleep, feeling his even breathing against them. They rest their chin on Alex's shoulder. His hair smells like cinnamon and laundry detergent, something that should be gross but isn't. Not on Alex at least.  
  
Lafayette doesn't know what time they fall asleep by, but they know when they wake up Alex is turned to them. He's watching their face how he watches the moon, like they're speaking to him. Lafayette stares back.  
  
They could lean down and kiss him right now. It'd be easy. Easier than explaining why they'd want to. Although, who wouldn't want to kiss Alex? Their whole friend group wants to kiss Alex. Lafayette has to call them soon.  
  
"We should get up," they hear themselves say. What? Alex moves back slightly, disappointed. He nods, gets up and goes into the bathroom.  
  
Lafayette doesn't think that they could have fucked that up more than they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha literally all of these except Three (3) take place at night


	3. Sunrise

The first time Lafayette is awake before sunrise when Alex is not, it's the middle of June. The sun had risen before they realized it, pale light entering their room and bathing everything in a warm pink glow.  
  
Alex was lying there, one arm draped across his stomach, the other tucked uncomfortably under his chin. A strand of his hair fell in front of his face, blown back and forth by the slow exhale out of his nose. His leg were tangled with Lafayette's, trapping Lafayette there.  
  
Lafayette watched him, watched the slow rhythm of his breathing, the occasional fluttering of his eyelids. Sometimes he would sigh, peaceful and breathy and free of all thought. That's what Alex looked like when he slept. Free.  
  
They think about how much they love Hercules and John, heart aching with the thought of not seeing them. Loving them was easier than loving Alex.  
  
Easier because they weren't there, in their bed, beauty captured in the hours between the rise and set of the sun. Loving them was simpler because they were concepts in the moment, thoughts present but never concrete. The vague outline of John's smile, the memory of Hercules' laugh. That's what they were. Outlines. Left to be romanticized by Lafayette until they're brought back to reality when they go back to school in August.  
  
Alex wasn't an outline. Alex was soft, free, untouched by fate or the forces of nature. Alex was here, still romanticized but never too much. He was solid, anchoring. Wasn't allowed to be a concept, always demanded to be concrete.  
  
Alex woke up that morning to Lafayette blinking slowly at him. The fatigue was washing over them slow, liquid.  
  
Lafayette starts living on three hours of sleep just to watch Alex. They know it's obsessive, creepy even, but they don't care. Alex looks calm like this, not affected by anything or anyone on the planet. Lafayette thinks that he's most beautiful like this, despite them thinking that Alex is most beautiful no matter where they are.  
  
Lafayette sometimes wishes they could paint, just so they could immortalize Alexander in the colors they see him in. Oranges and pinks and yellows. Sometimes just the bleak white that comes from the light gray storm clouds the cover the sky. If Lafayette could ever encapsulate the astonishing features of Alexander, they would never do anything else.  
  
After the conversation with Washington, Lafayette tries to tell Alex that they love him while he sleeps. They think of it as a rehearsal, that if they say it to him while he's asleep it'll make saying it when he's awake much easier. They never get the words out, though. They can't. Lafayette's mind can't even fathom a situation in which they can be upfront to Alex in their feelings.  
  
They can't even think of it sometimes. Telling Alex seems like to difficult a feat, too large a fear. They can't picture telling Alex, but they can imagine the aftermath.  
  
They can depict the broken feeling in their chest so intense it hurts to breathe as Alex looks them in the eyes and backs away. The feeling in their chest and the sound of his footsteps and the hesitancy in his voice as he finds a way to reject Lafayette in the nicest way possible.  
  
The sunrise scares Lafayette. It makes them realize things that they don't want to. Things they probably don't need to know. They think of who they were when Alex was sitting next to them in the car on the way here, how much they've changed since then. They're not sure that they'd recognize themselves from that day.  
  
They can't tell if that's a good thing or not.  
  
Sunrises don't last long. They're one small window of just bright enough to make a masterpiece out of Lafayette's heartbreak. They drink in the image of Alex, never quite getting used to the sight of him when he is asleep.  
  
By the end of the summer, Lafayette is drowning. Drowning in Alex and the thought of Alex and Alex in anyway that Lafayette can get him. They're starting to slip under it all, crack under the crushing weight of that feeling. They still haven't told him. Maybe they never will. What do they do if he never knows how much Lafayette loves him.  
  
They try to tell him the day before they go back. Because they think it's time. They think that both Alexander and themselves will be too caught up in Hercules and John to think about what this summer meant to them. Too caught up in everything to consider the feelings that just grew stronger in the past months.  
  
Maybe this was a summer thing, Lafayette thinks. Something that will fizzle and burn out once school starts again. It petrifies them that that could be the truth. That once they go back, Alex could just shrug this off as something that was meant to end. That they were back to just lying next to each other and Lafayette sleeping through the night.  
  
They shake the thought, shift closer to Alex on the bed. Alex is half asleep, awake enough to be able to hear Lafayette clearly when they speak. It's getting later but the sun still hasn't fallen. They should already be asleep, both of them, but they get to see Hercules and John tomorrow, and they couldn't be more excited.  
  
Lafayette doesn't tell him that night. The sun sets, rises the next morning, casts shadows on the face that Lafayette loves but can't explain to.  
  
They watch.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is super short but also I like it oops??


	4. Card Games

It's one in the morning, there's one lamp turned on in the living room, and Alex is losing by one hundred points to Martha in the card game they're playing.  
  
"You can do better than this," she says with a smile on her face as she deals out the second hand of cards. Alex sighs, takes the pile of seven cards, and rearranges them in order of relevance.  
  
"I really can't," Alex responds. He has two jacks, a seven and eight of spades, and three other useless cards.  
  
Martha lays down the ten, jack, queen, and king of spades. Alex wants to give up. She laughs, sits back in her seat because she knows that she's already won.  
  
"You're cheating," Alex claims, picking up a card. He fixes his cards, puts the only card he doesn't need down on the discard pile.  
  
"Am not," she whispers, staring at her cards. She takes a card from the pile, discards something Alex could have needed if he had thought about it more.  
  
They play in silence until Alex is winning. He has three aces set down among his other pairs, and nothing Martha does is putting her back in the lead.  
  
"What's going on with you and Lafayette?" She asks. Alex gasps, his hand slips, sending a queen of hearts fluttering down onto the table. He picks it up, clears his throat to cover up his mistake.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbles. He picks up a card, uses it to lay down three kings, throws down the queen of hearts.  
  
"I'm out," Alex says. Martha gasps, scrambles to count her cards.  
  
"Your total is 325, mine is 430," Martha tells him, writing the numbers on the piece of paper she's keeping score on. Alex rolls his eyes, takes all the cards and starts shuffling them again. He deals them as quick as he can, snatching up his seven.  
  
"This is a bad hand," Alex says as he arranges his cards again. Martha makes an agreeing sound.  
  
"You didn't answer my question," Martha tells him. Alex groans, gets even louder when Martha sets down three aces and hums.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it," he says. He takes another card and discards it immediately.  
  
"Are you dating?" Martha asks after a while, grinning. She takes ten cards from the discard pile for one four card pair, setting down a card that was originally Alex's on the pile.  
  
"No. If we were dating you would hear it," Alex answers. Martha raises her eyebrows and watches Alex take his turn.  
  
"I hear things, Alexander. Our bathroom walls are very thin."  
  
"Our bathroom isn't anywhere near your bedroom or bathroom." Alex is bright red, Martha sets down three fours.  
  
" _Very_ thin." She discards, Alex picks it up.  
  
"Why are you even asking me about this now? We have two weeks before we go back." He lays the ace down on Martha's three and discards the queen of clubs.  
  
"I'm curious! You love them, don't you?" Martha questions. Alex sighs.  
  
"I don't have to talk about this."  
  
"I never said you did."  
  
She has four cards in her hand. Alex has three. She picks up one card, lays down three jacks, discards the two of hearts she has left. She's out, won by a landslide.  
  
She doesn't say anything, just leans back in her chair again. Alex breathes out through his teeth. He tosses his cards down onto the table. A jack, a seven, and a nine hit the one ace he played.  
  
"Yes, I love them," Alex whispers. Martha nods.  
  
"The game ends with me at 555 and you at 310," Martha tells him. Alex barely listens, mind now focused to other things.  
  
"I don't know how you knew that I loved them, but you can't mention it to anyone else," Alex says.  
  
"You know, you could have won if you just took cards from the discard pile instead of relying on what you pick up."  
  
"I think that it's stupid that you have to pick up all of the cards even if you don't need all of them. You especially can't tell Lafayette that I love them."  
  
"You could have won last round if you just revised your strategies."  
  
"Can we please focus on my love for Lafayette? Like I know I didn't want to talk about it before but I'm into it now so we're doing it."  
  
"What is there to talk about now that you've admitted it? You love Lafayette, they love you. For some reason you are not having sex in our house, which I am partially grateful for. Ungrateful for the fact that because of it our water bill has almost doubled. This your worst score yet."  
  
"They don't love me. They're gorgeous and strong and I am nothing. They could do so much better than me. That's also not true, I got a 160 last month."  
  
"That was because we were playing with George and he's better at this than you."  
  
"He lost that game."  
  
"I didn't say he was better than me. Lafayette doesn't want to do better than you. They want to do you."  
  
"Martha!"  
  
"You're going to wake them up!" They're both quiet after that.  
  
Alex puts the cards away while Martha throws away the paper and turns off the lamp. She says goodnight to Alex and walks to her bedroom. Alex follows her lead, going into Lafayette's room and crawling under the covers next to them. Lafayette rolls over to face him, throwing their arm over Alex's waist.  
  
"I was about to go looking for you," Lafayette mumbles, still half asleep.  
  
"I was just in the living room," Alex responds. Lafayette nods.  
  
"I'm going back to sleep," they tell him.   
  
"Goodnight."  
  
"G'night. I love you."  
  
Holy shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the game they're playing is called 500 rummy and the way I play it isn't the way it tells you how to play on websites??? 
> 
> this also makes no sense I'm sorry


	5. Drowning

Alex is sweating. His calves hurt, his lungs are burning, his feet feel like they're about to fall off, and Lafayette is teasing him for it.  
  
"If you don't walk faster we're gonna leave you here for the bears," they call back to Alex. Alex heaves, spits out his own sweat, grimaces because he had enough sweat in his mouth to spit.  
  
"Good," he rasps, "hopefully they kill me quickly." Lafayette laughs, turning around and walking backwards. They stop when they see how distressed Alex looks.  
  
"I would never let them," they whisper, going to him and kissing his sweaty forehead. It's gross, but neither of them care.  
  
"That's a very nice sentiment, but I don't think the bears care about the power of human friendship."  
  
Lafayette smiles at him. It's a brilliant, blinding kind of smile that makes Alex go weak at the knees. He'll tell himself that it's the oxygen deprivation later, but right now he can live unashamed in his love for them.  
  
"You're gonna get lost if you don't keep up!" Martha yells to them from where her and George are ahead of them on the trail. Alex sighs, miserable. Lafayette grabs his sweaty, _sweaty_ hand and drags him with them.  
  
They turn onto a narrow pathway and walk down it for fifteen minutes before they stop at a clearing.  
  
"Woah," Alex whispers. Lafayette smiles, nods.   
  
They stopped at a lake. It's a small lake, surrounded by small cliffs covered in a thicket of dark trees that shade the translucent teal water. The ground slopes down evenly, flattens out just where they're standing.  
  
Lafayette, George, and Martha all walk closer to the lake. Martha starts setting something up, but Alex isn't looking at Martha.  
  
He's looking at the lake.  
  
The water is still, staring back at him, pulling him in. His heart is beating faster than it has all day, lungs dispelled of any oxygen he could breathe in. He can't feel his hands.   
  
"Alex," Lafayette says. They're in front of him now, hand a comforting presence on his shoulder. Air rushes to fill his lungs, his heart rate slowing to the pace it usually does when Lafayette looks at him like that. He cracks his knuckles, feels it.  
  
"I'm fine. I'm okay," he breathes.  
  
"We don't have to go in the water."  
  
"I'll be okay," Alex promises. Lafayette doesn't believe him, Alex knows it, but they let him take their hand and pull them over to where Martha set down the blanket anyway.  
  
It's two in the afternoon. George and Martha said they were going to get something from the car half an hour ago and left Alex and Lafayette at the lake alone. Lafayette had gone in the lake once, didn't put their shirt back on when they got out. Alex has never been so sweaty.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Lafayette questions.  
  
"No."  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Do you want to go in? Are you okay enough to do that?"  
  
Alex doesn't answer. He stares at the lake again, doesn't feel that afraid.  
  
"Take it slow," he says. Lafayette stands, grabs both of Alex's hands and pulls him up.  
  
Lafayette walks backwards into the lake, grinning when Alex yelps at the cold water rushing over his feet.  
  
"Wait," Alex whispers when the water is up to his waist. His shirt is soaked, his feet are sunken into the sand. Everything is overwhelming and he needs a minute to breath. Just stand there and breathe.  
  
Lafayette stops, tightens their grip on Alex's hands. They stand still in front of him, the light breeze blowing between them. Alex closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and submerges himself in the lake.  
  
He realizes his mistake as quick as he makes it.  
  
The water is freezing. It's frigid and numbing and he's terrified of it. He shivers at how it feels, how it's moving around him, drowning him. The sand scratches against his skin but he burrows his feet into it anyway. He needs something to anchor him, something to stand on.  
  
For a moment, he forgets he's in the lake. The darkness connects to things he's forgotten, things he's hidden from himself because he doesn't want to face them. The memories rush over him like the freezing cold water, pulling him and not letting him go.  
  
He doesn't stand up. He can't. He's losing all feeling in his arms and legs and he can't think clearly anymore. His eyelids start to sting from the force in which he's squeezing them shut. His hands slip from Lafayette's and the whole world goes dark.  
  
Alex can't feel anything when he wakes up. It takes time for him to remember how to open his eyes, wincing at the light when he finally does. Lafayette is leaning over him, tears running down their face. Alex is pretty sure his head is in their lap.  
  
"Did you save me?" Alex asks. He can feel the burning in his throat, the way it makes his voice rasp.  
  
"I just pulled you out of the water. I didn't know what else to do," they explain.  
  
"Pulling me out of the water means that you saved me."  
  
"Never make me do it again," they say. They're still crying. Alex can feel his hands again.  
  
"I'm sorry." Lafayette sobs harder. Alex rolls over on his side, tries to ignore the abnormal sensation of moving limbs he can't feel yet. He wraps his arms around Lafayette's torso, pulls them as close as he can.  
  
The Washingtons come an hour and a half later. Lafayette is still crying, holding onto Alex as tight as they can. Alex hugs back, trying to convey how sorry he is in the way his thumb grazes their side. They don't ask about it, just help them pack up everything and leave.  
  
Lafayette holds Alex's hand the whole way to the car and on the drive home. Neither of them speak, both at a loss for words.  
  
The two of them go to sleep as soon as they get home. At first Lafayette doesn't want to. Doesn't want to see Alex sleeping and picture him where they were such a short time ago. They want to stay up all night just staring at his face, commit every living detail to memory.  
  
Alas, they can't. The promise of sleep is too attractive, too tempting for them ignore. They fall asleep before Alex, holds him as tight as they can. Holds him like they're afraid to lose him.  
  
Holds him because they're afraid to lose him.  
  
Alex doesn't understand. He's been close to death before, incredibly so, but someone being there to hug him after he survived is new. It's an unfamiliar feeling but a welcome one.  
  
He wonders how he got this lucky. To have someone instill the amount of courage he needed and to rescue him when that courage didn't. His life was just saved by the person asleep behind him. Who gets to say that?  
  
The next morning, Lafayette sleeps later than Alex. Alex kisses their forehead, stays in bed next to them so he doesn't wake them by trying to get up.  
  
They wake up anyway, instinctively holds Alex closer. Alex laughs, causing Lafayette to open their eyes.  
  
"Good morning," Alex says.  
  
"I'm glad you're alive to see it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was originally about sexual frustration but this ended up happening instead


	6. Packing

Two days before they go back, Lafayette lies next to Alex in their bed and stares at him. It's routine how they do this, but this time it changes. This time, Lafayette starts crying before they can stop it.  
  
They know why. They want to be selfish, to keep Alex here next to them for as long as they can. Lafayette wants to stare at him without consequence, to be able to drink in the sight of Alex shamelessly. Lafayette isn't sure if it's normal to want something this badly, to want someone this badly. They don't care either way.  
  
Tears run across the bridge of their nose, itches in a weird way. Lafayette sighs, goes into the bathroom and turns on the lights. They stare at their reflection in the mirror until their eyes get used to seeing it.  
  
Lafayette wonders how Alex sees them. Their hair is getting too long for comfort, they need to shave more than they thought. There are dark circles under their eyes, illustrating their need to sleep more than Lafayette had realized.  
  
They study themselves, smiling just to see what it looks like. Lafayette doesn't know this. They know the smile they give to Alexander, the smile they'll give to Hercules or John when they see them in a few days. The smile they give to themselves is abnormal, over exaggerated to the point of being fake.  
  
They turn off the lights.  
  
They go back to bed, falling asleep easily to the sound of Alex breathing.  
  
Lafayette wakes up the next morning in bed alone. Alex is still in the room, taking his clothes out of Lafayette's drawers and packing them into the one suitcase he has.  
  
Lafayette hates that suitcase, hates the way it confines Alexander into itself, into a box. They saw it when Alexander rolled it to the car when they first came here for the summer. The way some people looked at him, like what he carried wasn't enough. Like Alexander wasn't enough.  
  
Alex is so much more than what he owns. Alex is boundless, not able to be contained by the interior upholstery of his suitcase. Alex can not be packed into something, he is open, beautifully himself in every aspect. When he speaks he means it and when he listens it because he wants to hear it.  
  
Lafayette lets their love for Alex overwhelm them. Lets it suffocate them until it's gets to be too much, and even then they don't stray from it. They let it tear them apart from the inside out, sometimes so much that they're left gasping from how breathless it leaves them.  
  
"You should probably be packing," Alex remarks to them. Lafayette smiles, means it, rolls onto their back to look at Alex properly.  
  
"But the view from here is so much nicer," Lafayette says. They're not lying. Alex hadn't bothered to get dressed before he started packing, so he's pacing around the room in only his boxer shorts. His hands tense on the neatly folded shirts that he's holding, blush spreading across his face.  
  
It's been a while since Lafayette has seen Alex blush, takes them a minute to realize why.  
  
Lafayette doesn't flirt with Alex as much as they would when they're around other people. They don't have to. Alex looks at them like they're the world to him, like nothing else could be better. Lafayette doesn't have to try around him, they only have to be themselves.  
  
"I'm not helping you pack tomorrow," Alex says, bringing Lafayette back to earth.  
  
"That's a lie. You'd be helping me pack now if I bothered to get up." Alex sighs, throws the shirts he has in his hands on top of the other ones.  
  
Lafayette watches him pack for another half hour before he finally packs his last pair of socks into the top pocket and zips the suitcase closed. He sighs, gets up and collapses on the bed next to Lafayette. They laugh, resting their arm above Alex's head. He whines, moves over so that he's tucked into their side.  
  
"What are we doing for our final days of summer?" Lafayette asks.  
  
"Nothing. We're going to stay here until George and Martha are forced to drag us back to school," Alex answers. His cheek is squished against Lafayette's chest, contorting his face into a pout. They drag their hands through his hair, reveling in the softness of it.  
  
"When will I have the time to pack, then?" Alex scoffs, pokes Lafayette hard in the stomach for it. Lafayette yelps, slaps at his hand until he starts giggling. Lafayette laughs with him, until their stomach hurts and tears sting their eyes.  
  
They don't end up leaving the room until three o'clock. Martha and George were somewhere in the house, probably outside, so they had to be careful.  
  
They slide into the kitchen on socks that they put on specifically for this heist, barely stopping themselves before they crash into the wall. Both of them rummage around, taking all the juice pouches and snacks that they can before running back to their room.  
  
"That was amazing," Alex says, out of breath. Lafayette laughs and throws the snacks on the bed, collapsing next to the pile with a huff.  
  
Lafayette and Alex both eat enough snack food to make them never want to eat anything ever again. By the time dinner comes, Lafayette barely has the strength to text Martha and say they won't be down. They do, however, have enough energy to blush when Martha replies with seven winky faces.  
  
"Martha thinks we're having sex in here and that's why we won't go down," Lafayette says. Alex snorts.  
  
"If we were I'd be going anyway." Alex turns to them and wiggles his eyebrows. Lafayette rolls their eyes with a smile on their face.  
  
"You're ridiculous," Lafayette says.  
  
"But not wrong."  
  
Lafayette looks at him, means to glare, but doesn't.  
  
It all hits them at once, the desperate want to tell him. The need to confess to him their feelings. This conversation was not supposed to be this hard hitting. It was supposed to be a joke that Lafayette would try not to think about too much before it got too heavy. This wasn't that. This was revelation, an epiphany.  
  
"I hate you," Lafayette chokes out, swallows, tries to ignore their train of thought. Alex smiles brighter but it doesn't reach his eyes. Lafayette pretends they don't notice.  
  
They fall asleep early, knowing Lafayette has to get up early tomorrow and pack. Alex's hands are clasped together around Lafayette's waist, pulling them close and holding them there. Lafayette doesn't mind, would never mind.  
  
Lafayette is on the brink of sleep, but they don't want to be. They want to stay awake and live in this, in Alex's arms. This is one of their last chances to do this, because in two days Alex becomes a back turned away from them, asleep in his own bed pushed against a wall. In two days, Lafayette has to go back to the feeling of sleeping alone.  
  
It's bittersweet, having to sleep five feet away from Alex but also getting to see Hercules and John again. Lafayette can't wait for that, knows that seeing them is a chance to fall in love with them all over again. A chance to see the faces that they haven't in over three months, the people they love.  
  
Lafayette falls asleep, they don't dream.  
  
They wake up to Alex rolling one of their empty suitcases through the door into their room.  
  
They wouldn't have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally just didn't want to write for the past few days like I wasn't For It but now I'm back in my rhythm and will prolly finish this tomorrow


	7. First Day Back

As Lafayette watches Alex leap into John's arms, something about it feels right. Alex's excitement overtaking him, running to John like he's racing someone to him.  
  
Their last day of summer was spent preparing for this, for arms wrapped around shoulders and waists and for falling asleep on Hercules' dorm room floor. For reunions and the feeling of overwhelming love filling their chest again. To be able to see Hercules' smile and hear John's laugh. For their last year in college together, for graduating together and whatever happens until that day comes.   
  
John stumbles backwards at the impact of Alex colliding with him. His hands go out to hold Alex's waist, lifting him off of the ground once he has his balance. His eyes are closed, nose buried into Alex's shoulder. Lafayette laughs, staying behind just to watch the two of them.   
  
John sets Alex back on the ground, studies him like a painting. He looks relieved, like he was scared Alex had forgotten him since they last saw each other.   
  
"Your hair is longer," John says. Alex smiles broader, curls his hands in to fists and bounces on his feet.   
  
"He wouldn't let me cut it," Lafayette tells him, pulling John into his arms before he can respond.   
  
Lafayette does what John does. They pull apart, and Lafayette studies him. His hair is frizzy to the point of defying logic, held back and pinned down with several bobby pins that are not helping. His freckles are darker, but they blend in with his tanner skin too much to notice. Lafayette wants to kiss him, but this isn't the time.   
  
"I did let you cut it," Alex says. Lafayette turns to him, sighs.  
  
"No, you let me trim it. If you let me cut it, it'd be about an inch shorter."   
  
"My hair is great, fuck you."  
  
"I never said that it wasn't," Lafayette whispers.   
  
John's eyes dart in between them, eyebrows slowly furrowing.   
  
"Did something happen between you two over the summer?" John asks.   
  
Lafayette almost laughs. They know what he meant, but they can't help but think about it. What didn't happen this summer? Alexander almost died, Lafayette stopped him from dying, fell deeper in love than they thought possible. They got arrested, almost kissed on multiple occasions that Lafayette thinks about far too often, cried a bit.  
  
"Not what you're thinking of," Alex responds, wiggling his eyebrows. John raises his own, scoffs out of disbelief.   
  
"Where's Hercules?" Lafayette questions, looking around for any sign of him.   
  
"He's not here yet. Actually, I was thinking that we could break into his dorm room so we're then when he gets here," John explains, delighted at the agreeing responses he gets.   
  
They rush to Hercules' dorm, only getting lost once before they show up. Lafayette picks the lock easily, piles with Alex and John into the barren dorm where Hercules will be arriving.  
  
"This is nice," Alex says, walking into the room. John makes an agreeing sound, going over and flopping down onto the bed.   
  
They're not sure how long they're in the dorm room for, but soon enough the door unlocks and Hercules, in all his glory, is standing there. He jumps when he sees them, a smile breaking out onto his face before he can even register it.   
  
"You know, when I told you where my dorm room was in the group chat, I didn't expect you to be there before I got to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this!!! is!!! so!!! short!!! soz lmao I wasn't aBOUt writing today but I really wanted to finish this so here it is in all its anticlimactic glory


End file.
